I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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