Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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