This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
