I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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