I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
