You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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