i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
