So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
