Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
