don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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