can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
