ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
