She said her name was "party"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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