I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize