i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
