I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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