my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
