I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
