Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
