she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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