She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
