I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
