I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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