morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
