My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
