Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize