what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
