Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
