There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
