I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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