oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
