That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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