I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
