I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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