I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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