so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
