Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
