Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
