You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
