Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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