the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
