Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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