She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
