and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
