you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
