eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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