i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
