Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
