the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
