did you get engaged???
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
