Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
