Im at strip club and am horny
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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