Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
