whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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