i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
