Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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