On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
