Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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