I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ladies don't puke and tell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
