VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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