my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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