You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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