It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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