Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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