i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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