I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
