it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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