Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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