He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
