I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
